In the End…

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(Artwork by Ana Laero)

When we die our loved ones write our eulogies. But what if we could tell our own stories from the grave?  What if we wrote our own parting words of wisdom in our Wills to be read out loud at our funerals? Think of the impact it would have to speak from the heavens, for your family and friends to know your dying wishes, hopes and dreams, to know your very last thoughts as you contemplated DEATH.  Well, this exactly what I propose.

Some might be lucky enough to leave a legacy, or write a book or maybe live their life exactly the way they wanted to while they lived. Let’s hope that’s the best case scenario for all of us. But just in case, something like this could really inspire the ones we leave behind, especially if we leave suddenly.  Not everyone in our lives knows us fully. Let’s be real, sometimes, we don’t even know ourselves. I think in the face of death, we are forced to re-evaluate our core beliefs, values and everything that happened to us. So, I think in that moment we can really say what we really mean without fear of judgement or feeling misunderstood. Here are a few words that I would leave with you today…

Life is full of good and bad moments, of love, pain, sorrow, and joy…I know, it’s like a roller-coaster, at least for me.

But IN THE END, it is our choice in which light we see our experiences.

For IN THE END, every sorry had it’s lesson and every joy had it’s sacrifice.

IN THE END, I loved everyone for the courage that they gave me OR the lesson that they taught me.

And IN THE END, everyone was just a mirror of what was going within me; the love AND the hate. It was all just a reflection of my internal struggle.

Life is no less than amazing, the harder you take a look a it with all of its intricacies, systems, and automatic genius.  Look at nature, science, and psychology.  By the grace of God, I have returned to the WONDER of a child in my adulthood.  The world is full of complex emotions like compassion, forgiveness, heartache, and falling in love (what some might even call magic).

In all of the human experience including its foibles, I see beauty in the vulnerability and bravery it takes to face our deepest and darkest of fears. We are tested for INTEGRITY as we seek the truth and return to our essence as God intended from the very beginning. Some find their meaning early in life and some a little late…

IN THE END, there is only joy and peace in returning back to my Creator. I pray that I lived my short time on earth impacting those around me in a positive light as they continue on their journeys.  My hope is that I had helped even just a little…

I love humanity with all of its trials, tribulations, courage, and strength. For you CANNOT have the good without the bad. But IN THE END, there is only love, if we ALLOW it…

FOR AUDIO, CLICK HERE!

 

I Gave Up Church for God

I want to live and breathe God. He is by far the most amazing experience I’ve had in my life thus far…I wouldn’t trade it for wealth, fame, relationships or anything else this world has to offer…

I come from a very religious background but I’ve never considered myself “religious”. I’ve always tried to be as genuine as possible in my faith. I never wanted to push my beliefs on others (although at times I may have failed) but I did want to share my story. I realize now how religion played a role in boxing me in.  I’ve often questioned things I’ve learned at church especially when one church said one thing and a different church said another.  I wanted to find my own answer.  I’m not big fan of authority figures. I guess I’m rebel at heart kind of like Jesus.

At one point, I went to church, attended not one but two bible studies and served the church in multiple facets including leadership.  Honestly, all that together weighed me down like a ton of bricks.  I was exhausted by all the religiosity. And I’ve never felt farther from God than when I was busiest at church. But this again, is my personal experience. I don’t doubt that others have found their experiences uplifting. And not to say I didn’t benefit from church because I did. There is something uniquely beautiful about worshipping God with others. And I do believe there are authentic people in the church and others that are just trying to find their way the best they know how…

But for me, organized religion suffocated me. I am already a discipline person; I don’t need more structure. In fact that is the last thing I need. It kills my creativity, my freedom to think, feel, and be. In fact, I need less structure. That is where I thrive.  That is where God and me are limitless…

I’ve let go of a lot expectations from friends, family, society and what people will think of the new, hippy dippy version me.  And I’ve got to say, I’ve never felt freer.  I want that freedom for everybody.  I believe that everyone experiences God in their own way.  My purpose is to simply be the best human I can possibly be.  I pray that I can do justice to God’s plan for me and therefore inspire others to do the same in their own journey.  That would be my ultimate dream…

FOR AUDIO, CLICK HERE! 

 

Daddy’s Little Girl

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My father’s birthday is this Sunday. I haven’t seen him since Christmas and he lives just 15 minutes away.  I’ve never had the daddy-daughter relationship people have always talked about. Far from that, actually.  Most of my life I’ve feared him. Today, I’ve changed my perspective and I have compassion towards him.  I think of the relationship we could have had and maybe, still can have one day.

There’s many things I admire about my father. He is fun, passionate, and honest but it’s funny because I didn’t see these qualities about him growing up. In fact, he was a very angry man the way I knew him. This obviously put a damper on our relationship. I’ve come to realize that circumstances were the thief of our daddy-daughter dynamic.  It was especially difficult when my father lost his job for a couple of years when I was in high school.  The weight was on my mother’s shoulders while my father felt useless. And we know how unemployment can kill a man’s ego.   They both took their frustrations out on me. I know that now but back then I felt like my world was crashing down around me.  I didn’t know why my parents hated me so much.  I started to hate myself too.  Even today, it’s hard for me to exchange the words “I love you” with them because I don’t feel it’s coming from a genuine place.  I don’t remember many tender moments between us but I do remember a lot of pain.  Although they clothed and fed me, emotionally I was starved.

For years, I have wanted to forgive them but I didn’t know how. I was so angry, it consumed me. I hid it well from most people except myself. I could hear the negative things I would say in my head every single day. Eventually it became the norm and I barely noticed.  But after some of the two most challenging years of my life, meditation helped me discover self-love for the first time.  I no longer feel the need to gain their approval and love.  Yes, it would be nice and what daughter wouldn’t want that? However, I don’t expect it from them anymore.

I know only God’s love can truly fill that void in me.  I thought I knew God’s love before but I have recently discovered a whole other level.  A love that far exceeds my wildest dreams. Maybe only in my desperation could I have gone this deep with Him.  Because of that I think I’m finally ready to face my parents without fear of an anxiety attack, fear of their criticism, of their expectations and disappointments.  Maybe for the first time in my life.  Okay, I’m still a little hesitant. But scary can also be good, right?  So, wish me luck as I see him Sunday for his birthday. I hope I can give us both a real chance to have what we’ve never had before…

Now that I’ve shared my personal story with you. Can you relate? Are you secretly or openly angry with someone in your life and do you think it’s possible to replace that anger with compassion? Delve deep and give them the benefit of the doubt. Put your ego aside.  By doing so, can you change the old paradigm for a new one? I challenge you to think outside of the box.

Change starts here with you…Let me know your thoughts, frustrations, and stories. Dare to be vulnerably adventurous with me?! Post your comments below!